![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Clearing his throat again, Bene nods. It's almost harder to answer.
"I guess?" He sets his drink down so he won't kill himself on it right away. "...if you want?"
"I guess?" He sets his drink down so he won't kill himself on it right away. "...if you want?"
"I think so." Having to put this sort of thing into words is not Bene's forte.
"I mean, I-- I like when things are, you know. Spontaneous." He looks at his fidgeting hands. "The way it's been. That's fine."
"I mean, I-- I like when things are, you know. Spontaneous." He looks at his fidgeting hands. "The way it's been. That's fine."
"What? No." Finally, Benedict smiles slightly, as if to reassure him.
"What we do, it's not-- I'm not used to it being--" He waves his hand vaguely, trying to find the words, "...I wasn't supposed to, really. It didn't matter as long as we kept it quiet, but that's just it, talking about it meant you'd already fucked up. I'm-- I was-- supposed to get married. If a girl or her parents find out you'd... you know, it reflects badly on your family."
It's not such a consideration anymore, but these things don't just unstick themselves from someone's brain.
"What we do, it's not-- I'm not used to it being--" He waves his hand vaguely, trying to find the words, "...I wasn't supposed to, really. It didn't matter as long as we kept it quiet, but that's just it, talking about it meant you'd already fucked up. I'm-- I was-- supposed to get married. If a girl or her parents find out you'd... you know, it reflects badly on your family."
It's not such a consideration anymore, but these things don't just unstick themselves from someone's brain.
Colin smiles in response, although the concept of two men together being such a scandal is foreign to him. No one in the Circle cared. If you found someone you connected with, you were considered lucky, although you had to keep it secret or you would be separated, regardless of gender.
"Do you have any attraction to women?" he asks curiously. "At all?"
"Do you have any attraction to women?" he asks curiously. "At all?"
A weak laugh, a shrug.
"I try not to think about it."
"I try not to think about it."
"Oh, I knew I wouldn't be happy. It was just something I'd have to do."
He chews the inside of his cheek.
"But... people have extramarital affairs all the time. It's an open secret. Marriage isn't for love, it's for children and uniting estates. If I had a wife she'd probably have her own lovers, and I wouldn't give a shit as long as they didn't get her pregnant."
He sips his tea.
"It's the getting someone pregnant part I never looked forward to."
He chews the inside of his cheek.
"But... people have extramarital affairs all the time. It's an open secret. Marriage isn't for love, it's for children and uniting estates. If I had a wife she'd probably have her own lovers, and I wouldn't give a shit as long as they didn't get her pregnant."
He sips his tea.
"It's the getting someone pregnant part I never looked forward to."
Bene wrinkles his nose.
"...either?"
He shrugs at Colin. "What would I do with a child? I don't know how to care for one, how to love one. I'd probably just give it over to a nanny like my parents did. Leave them to their own devices."
He swirls the tea around in its glass, looking down at the leaf residue.
"There'd be no point in that. Especially not now."
"...either?"
He shrugs at Colin. "What would I do with a child? I don't know how to care for one, how to love one. I'd probably just give it over to a nanny like my parents did. Leave them to their own devices."
He swirls the tea around in its glass, looking down at the leaf residue.
"There'd be no point in that. Especially not now."
"Yeah."
A worse fate, decidedly-- at least if one wants their children, and doesn't see them as a means to an end. It doesn't seem like the time to keep complaining, at any rate, so Benedict sips from his glass again in silence.
A worse fate, decidedly-- at least if one wants their children, and doesn't see them as a means to an end. It doesn't seem like the time to keep complaining, at any rate, so Benedict sips from his glass again in silence.
Frankly, Colin wouldn't trade places, given the opportunity. Not that he hates kids, but a forced life of manufacturing them sounds like a nightmare. Time to steer things back to having a nice time.
"So besides not having to have children, what in the South is better than it is in Tevinter?"
"So besides not having to have children, what in the South is better than it is in Tevinter?"
"I don't know. Truth be told, the food is largely terrible, it stinks of fish and dogs, it's cold and rainy and the sea is grey, and the politics are fucking impenetrable."
He swirls his glass again. "...but I guess you lot are here, so that's an improvement."
He swirls his glass again. "...but I guess you lot are here, so that's an improvement."
A smile blooms across Colin's face. Aw. That was a Moment.
And it's gone. He clears his throat and glances away.
"So if we're...doing things, now, I just want to say pretty quickly, if I start panicking or something, you can take my crystal and call for Athessa. And chances are, that's going to happen. Not your fault, just..."
He clears his throat again.
"Anyway."
And it's gone. He clears his throat and glances away.
"So if we're...doing things, now, I just want to say pretty quickly, if I start panicking or something, you can take my crystal and call for Athessa. And chances are, that's going to happen. Not your fault, just..."
He clears his throat again.
"Anyway."
"Oh."
That took a turn, but isn't something easily-- or willingly-- dismissed.
"All right." He blinks at Colin, as if awaiting elaboration.
That took a turn, but isn't something easily-- or willingly-- dismissed.
"All right." He blinks at Colin, as if awaiting elaboration.
Well it was one of the two purposes Colin had for initiating this conversation, the other one being just hanging out. And since things had gotten a smidge more contemplative, he figured he could slip it in here. But now Bene is looking at him like there's more to it than call Athessa. He finishes taking a drink of tea and looks back, wide-eyed as he swallows.
"Um. Oh. She'd probably come by. She knows what to do, if you're not comfortable with dealing with it."
"Um. Oh. She'd probably come by. She knows what to do, if you're not comfortable with dealing with it."
"What would I be ... dealing with?" Bene asks, not entirely sure what Colin panicking would even look like.
"Um..." This was a conversation that needed to happen, and Colin neglected to ask Lexie what he looked like when he freaked out. "Well, if I tell you to stop, that's definitely a sign? You'd just want to stop and ask if I'm all right. If I don't answer, especially if I look scared, then that's definitely a sign."
"Oh."
He smirks, as though finding the very notion absurd. "If you told me to stop I'd stop, that goes without saying. And nobody wants to fuck someone who's not really there."
He sips from his tea again.
He smirks, as though finding the very notion absurd. "If you told me to stop I'd stop, that goes without saying. And nobody wants to fuck someone who's not really there."
He sips from his tea again.
"Well. Now you do."
Bene shrugs one shoulder. "...and I mean. Just between us, I'm not always certain what to do anyway."
Bene shrugs one shoulder. "...and I mean. Just between us, I'm not always certain what to do anyway."
Page 13 of 52