Holding him close, Bene has to take a moment to calm himself down as well, fully unused to either this behavior from Colin or filling the role of Emotional Support.
"It's all right," he says gently, not knowing what else to do.
It is all right. Athessa's all right. He keeps Bene in a crushing embrace as his breathing and heart rate slowly approach normal.
"It's 9:46," he mutters. This isn't a flashback, but he doesn't think it's strictly about current events, either. It feels dark and cold, it feels like the Circle when you didn't know who was your enemy. This place was just starting to feel safe.
After a while, he is relaxed against Bene, feeling tired and foggy.
Remaining silent until Colin speaks again, Bene just holds him until the 'thank you'-- then he nods into Colin's hair. "Of course," he murmurs, and loosens his grip a little so he can look into his face.
"Should I light it...?" He asks, nodding his head toward the hookah, "you might feel better."
Benedict does so, using his fingers to light it as he always did before the magebane-- it's liberating, and never doesn't give him a flicker of joy when he's able to conjure in this way.
Once everything is set up, and the smoke coming smoothly through the hose, Benedict finishes testing it and offers it over to Colin, resting back on his elbows to watch him with an expression of concern.
Smoke inhaled, and soon Colin is lying back against the cushions and feeling a bit more himself. He even offers a little smile when he finally notices Bene's nervousness.
"Sorry," he says quietly. "Sometimes happens when I get upset."
He raises a hand to his face to feel for the tracks his nails left and see if anything needs healing.
"For all the shit he talks, I think he knows what he could expect to lose by killing anyone," he reasons, gesturing lightly as he makes his point, "I don't think he'll kill anyone. Not on purpose, at least. He's a rude bastard, but he's not a total idiot."
Bene falls silent for a moment, reaching for the hose as he contemplates the situation. He doesn't want to allow Leander any leeway, not after the run-ins they've had; but he doesn't want Colin to be upset, either.
"...but she didn't," he admits, "and people know about it now. I don't think he'll be allowed a chance to push someone else."
He doesn't continue. He has no idea how to vocalize his feelings right now, and at the moment, he really doesn't want to hassle with the self-scrutiny for it. It all feels too close.
"I wanted you to know. He's got a way of making you think you're the one unfairly judging him, but he's dangerous."
"You can't do that by pleasing him." He adjusts himself so one shoulder can press against Bene's. "Though the good news is I don't think he finds us especially interesting, nor is it in his best interests to just be violent now that he's known to have attacked two people unprovoked. One of whom is a division head."
Colin takes the hose but doesn't puff right away, staring up at the ceiling and weighing how high he already is.
He's scared. But he's always scared. He has come to realize that he truly can't tell the difference between a real threat and an imagined one, but that hasn't eliminated the need to try. So he tries to work it out by looking at the facts. It's not the most reliable system--he'd told himself all sorts of things so he could ignore the warning signs with Lutair. He finally pops the hose in his mouth and inhales deeply.
"Makes me think too much," he admits with a sigh of smoke. "You know how when you were a kid, you knew there were dangers in the world, but you reckoned the world as a whole wasn't out to get you?"
The analogy might strike a nerve with most people, but for someone whose early life was very insulated from anything even close to uncomfortable, Benedict finds it coming up a bit short. He glances toward Colin, not necessarily agreeing, but still listening.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Holding him close, Bene has to take a moment to calm himself down as well, fully unused to either this behavior from Colin or filling the role of Emotional Support.
"It's all right," he says gently, not knowing what else to do.
no subject
"It's 9:46," he mutters. This isn't a flashback, but he doesn't think it's strictly about current events, either. It feels dark and cold, it feels like the Circle when you didn't know who was your enemy. This place was just starting to feel safe.
After a while, he is relaxed against Bene, feeling tired and foggy.
"Thank you," he sighs.
no subject
"Of course," he murmurs, and loosens his grip a little so he can look into his face.
"Should I light it...?" He asks, nodding his head toward the hookah, "you might feel better."
no subject
no subject
Once everything is set up, and the smoke coming smoothly through the hose, Benedict finishes testing it and offers it over to Colin, resting back on his elbows to watch him with an expression of concern.
no subject
"Sorry," he says quietly. "Sometimes happens when I get upset."
He raises a hand to his face to feel for the tracks his nails left and see if anything needs healing.
no subject
"You're really angry with him, then."
no subject
"And scared. I've already..."
The stifling feeling starts trying to come back, so he takes another pull of smoke.
"Already lost everyone I can afford to lose."
no subject
"For all the shit he talks, I think he knows what he could expect to lose by killing anyone," he reasons, gesturing lightly as he makes his point, "I don't think he'll kill anyone. Not on purpose, at least. He's a rude bastard, but he's not a total idiot."
It takes one to know one, after all.
no subject
no subject
Bene falls silent for a moment, reaching for the hose as he contemplates the situation. He doesn't want to allow Leander any leeway, not after the run-ins they've had; but he doesn't want Colin to be upset, either.
"...but she didn't," he admits, "and people know about it now. I don't think he'll be allowed a chance to push someone else."
no subject
"I know. I just, um."
He doesn't continue. He has no idea how to vocalize his feelings right now, and at the moment, he really doesn't want to hassle with the self-scrutiny for it. It all feels too close.
"I wanted you to know. He's got a way of making you think you're the one unfairly judging him, but he's dangerous."
no subject
"I know." His lips purse as he reflects on the interactions he's had with Leander.
"I've tried to just... make myself stop caring what he thinks, or does. I have too much at stake to worry about pleasing him."
no subject
"You don't want to please him, you want to pacify him. So you're safe."
no subject
"...I want him to leave me alone. ...I want him to leave all of us alone."
no subject
no subject
This must have been in the Dungeon Times.
no subject
no subject
That's going to be a conversation, whether anyone likes it or not.
no subject
"Just be careful. But don't be scared, either. I don't really think he'd admit to this if he was planning to keep pushing people down the stairs."
no subject
"I'm not scared. And I try to be careful."
He hands the hose back, settling in with his fingers clasped over his chest.
"Just..." He chews his lower lip. "Makes you think. That's all."
no subject
He's scared. But he's always scared. He has come to realize that he truly can't tell the difference between a real threat and an imagined one, but that hasn't eliminated the need to try. So he tries to work it out by looking at the facts. It's not the most reliable system--he'd told himself all sorts of things so he could ignore the warning signs with Lutair. He finally pops the hose in his mouth and inhales deeply.
"Makes me think too much," he admits with a sigh of smoke. "You know how when you were a kid, you knew there were dangers in the world, but you reckoned the world as a whole wasn't out to get you?"
no subject
He glances toward Colin, not necessarily agreeing, but still listening.
no subject
"Never mind. Let's talk about something else."
no subject
Colin was clearly trying to make a point, and this won't be the first time Benedict's overall obliviousness has interfered.
"--go on."
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)