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[altusimperius]

tell him how pretty he is

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[keenly]

"Ah." Colin would rather not talk about Byerly, so he goes for the other one. "About when do you think it'll be done?"

[altusimperius]

"Probably in like."

Bene falls silent for a while, staring forward in contemplation.

"A year."

[keenly]

"It's really special, though. What you're doing. And I'm sure you'll get volunteers to help."

[altusimperius]

"Maybe. It's fine if they don't." He shrugs one shoulder, tossing his hair in a familiar, dismissive motion.

"I'll keep going until it's done."

[keenly]

It's refreshing to see Benedict with drive, and a passion project.

"I believe it." He opens the door to the garden and lets Bene through first.

[altusimperius]

"I'm glad someone does."

Words spoken in a bit of a sulk, but good-naturedly enough, and he smiles as he steps out into the dwindling sunlight.

"I keep forgetting it's summer," he remarks, "it's so cold in that stone tower."

[keenly]

"We need to get you out more." Colin finds a spot to sit down and set out two cups. "Even if it's just having tea in the garden."

He pours both cups full. "I'm not keen on the oppression, but at least being a mage keeps my drinks the right temperature."

[altusimperius]

"Mm."

At this, Bene's spirits seem to dampen slightly, though he tries not to show it as he picks up his cup, sniffs its contents, and takes a drink.

Being a mage. Yes, something he also is, yet with which he can't currently identify.

[keenly]

Colin looks sheepish on seeing Bene's reaction. He should have been more sensitive. They were just having a lovely time. He's got to change the subject very quickly.

"So, um. About what we did. Again. Is that...something we're doing now?"

A slightly coy look.

[altusimperius]

It actually takes Bene a minute to realize what he's talking about, but then he gets it, only after choking slightly on his tea.

"Oh. Um. It," he stammers, clearing his throat, "...like now?" Colin they're in public

[keenly]

[keenly]

"Not now now, just in general."

[altusimperius]

Clearing his throat again, Bene nods. It's almost harder to answer.

"I guess?" He sets his drink down so he won't kill himself on it right away. "...if you want?"

[keenly]

He looks so uncomfortable. Did Colin do something wrong.

"I mean, I want it, but only if you want it."

[altusimperius]

"I think so." Having to put this sort of thing into words is not Bene's forte.

"I mean, I-- I like when things are, you know. Spontaneous." He looks at his fidgeting hands. "The way it's been. That's fine."

[keenly]

"So no putting it on a calendar," Colin teases lightly. After a moment, he speaks very, very gently. "Did I say something wrong?"

[altusimperius]

"What? No." Finally, Benedict smiles slightly, as if to reassure him.

"What we do, it's not-- I'm not used to it being--" He waves his hand vaguely, trying to find the words, "...I wasn't supposed to, really. It didn't matter as long as we kept it quiet, but that's just it, talking about it meant you'd already fucked up. I'm-- I was-- supposed to get married. If a girl or her parents find out you'd... you know, it reflects badly on your family."

It's not such a consideration anymore, but these things don't just unstick themselves from someone's brain.

[keenly]

Colin smiles in response, although the concept of two men together being such a scandal is foreign to him. No one in the Circle cared. If you found someone you connected with, you were considered lucky, although you had to keep it secret or you would be separated, regardless of gender.

"Do you have any attraction to women?" he asks curiously. "At all?"

[altusimperius]

A weak laugh, a shrug.

"I try not to think about it."

[keenly]

"That's fair." Though that probably means no, Colin isn't about to press it. He sips his tea. "Even if you did, that's no guarantee you'd wind up happily with one. You have freedom now."

[altusimperius]

"Oh, I knew I wouldn't be happy. It was just something I'd have to do."
He chews the inside of his cheek.
"But... people have extramarital affairs all the time. It's an open secret. Marriage isn't for love, it's for children and uniting estates. If I had a wife she'd probably have her own lovers, and I wouldn't give a shit as long as they didn't get her pregnant."

He sips his tea.

"It's the getting someone pregnant part I never looked forward to."

[keenly]

"That sounds miserable," Colin says sympathetically. "Being forced to have children. Did you not want to lie with a woman, or did you just not want children?"

[altusimperius]

Bene wrinkles his nose.
"...either?"

He shrugs at Colin. "What would I do with a child? I don't know how to care for one, how to love one. I'd probably just give it over to a nanny like my parents did. Leave them to their own devices."

He swirls the tea around in its glass, looking down at the leaf residue.

"There'd be no point in that. Especially not now."

[keenly]

"I haven't thought of children in years. In the Circle, if you get someone pregnant, they take the child and give it to the Chantry and separate the parents. It's just never going to be in my future. And I don't mind that."

[altusimperius]

"Yeah."

A worse fate, decidedly-- at least if one wants their children, and doesn't see them as a means to an end. It doesn't seem like the time to keep complaining, at any rate, so Benedict sips from his glass again in silence.