He gestures for Bene to follow him. They wind up in the hookah room because it is safe and familiar, and he sits on one of the cushions and folds in on himself.
"Um. Remember how someone pushed Athessa down the stairs last year?"
Not incredibly surprising. The event was before even Colin knew her, and he only learned of it on the network when Kostos tried to find out who did it.
"Well. Probably while you were downstairs." A gentle way of saying when you were locked up. "There was no one near her at the time, but she was pushed down the stairs. Not tripped. Someone used magic to push her down the stairs. She saw a bit of their shadow, I think, but that was all. She broke her arm and never knew who did it. She and Kostos tried to figure it out, but never came up with anyone."
Just talking about it, he's starting to get angry again. He can feel his chest tightening, the rush coming back to his ears.
Folding his own skinny legs up to his chest, Benedict listens with a furrowed brow, looking more and more incredulous as the story develops. There's a twinge of frustration at the notion that he wouldn't-- couldn't have known about it, missed out on almost a full year, and he can't help but wonder what else he missed.
"I've been..." a deep breath, though it doesn't seem to settle him much, "worried, because anyone who'd do that to her would do it to someone else. Then she got a confession out of nowhere."
Benedict's expression is almost blank, the barest of dry smirks twitching at the corner of his mouth. Of course. Of course it was fucking Leander.
"You're joking," he says in a deadpan, feeling a familiar swell of outrage, one that he has long since learned to tamp down in favor of not making a fuss.
"He told her," Colin says through clenched teeth, starting to shake. "He did it because Kostos tripped one of his friends down the stairs and he thought he'd show him what it was like."
This elicits an eyeroll; Kostos being involved isn't doing the story any favors.
"Petty piece of shit," he mutters, and sighs. "Well, I'm glad Athessa's all right."
It is a bit validating to know that his own experience, which he's downplayed in his mind since Leander theoretically made peace, may yet have been as nasty as he thought.
When Bene says that, something in Colin snaps. He picks up a pillow and starts beating the floor savagely with it, as if it's a truncheon and the floor is Leander's face. When that proves not-quite-satisfying, he places fingernails in the seam and tries to rip it open. Fortunately, thread isn't in the business of just snapping. Unfortunately, he drops the pillow and claws at the one thing he knows will respond the way he wants it to--his own face.
With a start, Benedict lurches forward to first take the pillow away (poor thing), then gently puts his hands on Colin's wrists to pull his fingers from his face.
"Colin! Colin, stop," he breathes, abruptly Very Concerned, "it's fine. She's fine."
Benedict will feel resistance as Colin fights him at first, the rushing in his head drowning out much of Benedict's voice. Fists clench as he remembers nails clawing into soil in an empty space where a house used to be.
He hadn't had a spell like this in months until Satinalia. They used to happen often. As he slowly recognizes what's happening, he reaches out to wrap his arms tightly around Benedict, clinging to him like a mooring.
Holding him close, Bene has to take a moment to calm himself down as well, fully unused to either this behavior from Colin or filling the role of Emotional Support.
"It's all right," he says gently, not knowing what else to do.
It is all right. Athessa's all right. He keeps Bene in a crushing embrace as his breathing and heart rate slowly approach normal.
"It's 9:46," he mutters. This isn't a flashback, but he doesn't think it's strictly about current events, either. It feels dark and cold, it feels like the Circle when you didn't know who was your enemy. This place was just starting to feel safe.
After a while, he is relaxed against Bene, feeling tired and foggy.
Remaining silent until Colin speaks again, Bene just holds him until the 'thank you'-- then he nods into Colin's hair. "Of course," he murmurs, and loosens his grip a little so he can look into his face.
"Should I light it...?" He asks, nodding his head toward the hookah, "you might feel better."
Benedict does so, using his fingers to light it as he always did before the magebane-- it's liberating, and never doesn't give him a flicker of joy when he's able to conjure in this way.
Once everything is set up, and the smoke coming smoothly through the hose, Benedict finishes testing it and offers it over to Colin, resting back on his elbows to watch him with an expression of concern.
Smoke inhaled, and soon Colin is lying back against the cushions and feeling a bit more himself. He even offers a little smile when he finally notices Bene's nervousness.
"Sorry," he says quietly. "Sometimes happens when I get upset."
He raises a hand to his face to feel for the tracks his nails left and see if anything needs healing.
"For all the shit he talks, I think he knows what he could expect to lose by killing anyone," he reasons, gesturing lightly as he makes his point, "I don't think he'll kill anyone. Not on purpose, at least. He's a rude bastard, but he's not a total idiot."
Bene falls silent for a moment, reaching for the hose as he contemplates the situation. He doesn't want to allow Leander any leeway, not after the run-ins they've had; but he doesn't want Colin to be upset, either.
"...but she didn't," he admits, "and people know about it now. I don't think he'll be allowed a chance to push someone else."
He doesn't continue. He has no idea how to vocalize his feelings right now, and at the moment, he really doesn't want to hassle with the self-scrutiny for it. It all feels too close.
"I wanted you to know. He's got a way of making you think you're the one unfairly judging him, but he's dangerous."
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"Um. Remember how someone pushed Athessa down the stairs last year?"
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"Uh. No?"
That seems like something he'd remember.
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"Well. Probably while you were downstairs." A gentle way of saying when you were locked up. "There was no one near her at the time, but she was pushed down the stairs. Not tripped. Someone used magic to push her down the stairs. She saw a bit of their shadow, I think, but that was all. She broke her arm and never knew who did it. She and Kostos tried to figure it out, but never came up with anyone."
Just talking about it, he's starting to get angry again. He can feel his chest tightening, the rush coming back to his ears.
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One hand clenches into a fist.
"Leander."
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"You're joking," he says in a deadpan, feeling a familiar swell of outrage, one that he has long since learned to tamp down in favor of not making a fuss.
"He told her?"
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"Petty piece of shit," he mutters, and sighs. "Well, I'm glad Athessa's all right."
It is a bit validating to know that his own experience, which he's downplayed in his mind since Leander theoretically made peace, may yet have been as nasty as he thought.
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"Colin! Colin, stop," he breathes, abruptly Very Concerned, "it's fine. She's fine."
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He hadn't had a spell like this in months until Satinalia. They used to happen often. As he slowly recognizes what's happening, he reaches out to wrap his arms tightly around Benedict, clinging to him like a mooring.
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Holding him close, Bene has to take a moment to calm himself down as well, fully unused to either this behavior from Colin or filling the role of Emotional Support.
"It's all right," he says gently, not knowing what else to do.
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"It's 9:46," he mutters. This isn't a flashback, but he doesn't think it's strictly about current events, either. It feels dark and cold, it feels like the Circle when you didn't know who was your enemy. This place was just starting to feel safe.
After a while, he is relaxed against Bene, feeling tired and foggy.
"Thank you," he sighs.
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"Of course," he murmurs, and loosens his grip a little so he can look into his face.
"Should I light it...?" He asks, nodding his head toward the hookah, "you might feel better."
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Once everything is set up, and the smoke coming smoothly through the hose, Benedict finishes testing it and offers it over to Colin, resting back on his elbows to watch him with an expression of concern.
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"Sorry," he says quietly. "Sometimes happens when I get upset."
He raises a hand to his face to feel for the tracks his nails left and see if anything needs healing.
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"You're really angry with him, then."
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"And scared. I've already..."
The stifling feeling starts trying to come back, so he takes another pull of smoke.
"Already lost everyone I can afford to lose."
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"For all the shit he talks, I think he knows what he could expect to lose by killing anyone," he reasons, gesturing lightly as he makes his point, "I don't think he'll kill anyone. Not on purpose, at least. He's a rude bastard, but he's not a total idiot."
It takes one to know one, after all.
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Bene falls silent for a moment, reaching for the hose as he contemplates the situation. He doesn't want to allow Leander any leeway, not after the run-ins they've had; but he doesn't want Colin to be upset, either.
"...but she didn't," he admits, "and people know about it now. I don't think he'll be allowed a chance to push someone else."
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"I know. I just, um."
He doesn't continue. He has no idea how to vocalize his feelings right now, and at the moment, he really doesn't want to hassle with the self-scrutiny for it. It all feels too close.
"I wanted you to know. He's got a way of making you think you're the one unfairly judging him, but he's dangerous."
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"I know." His lips purse as he reflects on the interactions he's had with Leander.
"I've tried to just... make myself stop caring what he thinks, or does. I have too much at stake to worry about pleasing him."
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