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[altusimperius]

tell him how pretty he is

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[altusimperius]

...some skill, yes,

[bouchonne]

So why are you telling our most esteemed Scoutmaster that you're in need of protection?

[altusimperius]

[a pause.]

You know that... mages can be killed, right?

[bouchonne]

I've heard the rumor.

[altusimperius]

[with a bit of ice,]

And that I personally have almost been killed several times since joining Riftwatch?

[He tosses his head like an anxious horse.]

[bouchonne]

And when's the last time you trained your magic?

[altusimperius]

[...]

...when Solas was here.

[bouchonne]

Might that have something to do with your brushes against your own mortality?

[altusimperius]

[sullenly,]

no, that was before.

[bouchonne]

Look, my dear boy, some of us are helpless by birth and by nature. Nothing we can do can eradicate that helplessness. You have a choice. Do you understand?

[altusimperius]

I understand.

[He sighs, gritting his teeth.]

It's just,

[he fights with it a moment before saying it, to his desk:]

it's not nice magic, like healing, or something people use every day, it's. It's meant to cause... anguish. Practicing it effectively means finding willing participants.

...or at least here it does. [let's not unpack that]

[bouchonne]

[ Charming. ]

And what, stabbing is nice?

[altusimperius]

You can practice it with wooden weapons. On dolls.

[He hunches his shoulders.]

I'm surprised you'd have a problem with me not wanting to use magic on people.

[bouchonne]

Why? Because I hate mages ever so?

[ That's said dryly, even though his feelings on mages are admittedly complicated. ]

When I was training, I was drugged and poisoned so that I could recognize the effects if need be. It's simply what must be done.

[altusimperius]

...well not no,

[since he's asking,]

--but also because it's not me who's dealing with the effects, it's whomever's volunteered to have it... visited upon them. You can't make a training dummy panic and piss itself, at least as far as I know.

[bouchonne]

So find another specialization, if you're going to be so queasy.

[altusimperius]

Right, and be completely proficient in it by the time we go to Antiva.

[bouchonne]

All right. Die, then.

[altusimperius]

Or I could ask for help, which I did.

I'm not completely helpless, I've been training in staves for over a year. But I'm-- ..I'm not stupid enough to be uncautious.

[bouchonne]

Do you think we have boundless resources?

[altusimperius]

No, of course not, but--

[he's starting to get tripped up now, his thoughts moving too quickly for his mouth.]

--but-- I’m, I’m a scribe. I panic in a real fight. Whether someone wants to kill me or— or I’m just in the way of them trying to kill you, I….

[He shrugs helplessly at his desk.]

I don’t know, she asked. I assumed she meant it. Any magic I cast would probably just piss off an actual assassin.

[bouchonne]

[ Dryly: ]

Having been a target in the past of your magic, I believe you could handle an assassin decently well.

[altusimperius]

[A long pause. Then, carefully,]

Do you want me to retract the request?

[bouchonne]

I want you to learn how to defend your damned self, Artemaeus. If you're insistent on staying on the front lines, then you cannot limit your skills to ineffectually waving a stick around.

[altusimperius]

[His shoulders are hunched, his posture tense. But he nods, once, staring into the middle distance.]